U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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