Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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