420 ftw
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
