She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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