morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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