I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize