i need an iv and a liver transplant
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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