But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
