i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
