I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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