Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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