i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
