He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
