she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Found the puke drawer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
