Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
