It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
