I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
