Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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