His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
