If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
