I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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