I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
