id be glad to
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
