i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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