He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
