he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
