Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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