Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
