AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
