piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
