I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
