to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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