I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
