You're completely useless in the revolution.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
