She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
