I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
