i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
