Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
