Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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