you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
