singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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