Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
