I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The adults are the big ones right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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