i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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