I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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