Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
