Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
