what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
