Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
