My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
