I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
